Book Review: How to Be the Perfect Christian

I don’t know the last time a book made me snort-laugh, but How to Be a Perfect Christian by Babylon Bee sure did. Seriously. I really did LOL. And took pictures and sent them to my friends. It is that funny. And, I have a pretty advanced sense of humor (haha).

For background: The Babylon Bee is a satirical Christian website similar to the Onion. They post fake news stories based on Christianity that sometimes can seem eerily truthful. With satire, the key is poking fun at the stupid things we do. We as in Christians.

I’m in my thirties, but I am just now realizing that not everyone has the same understanding of church culture and Christianese as I do. I’ve lived in a bubble for so long that I thought some of the “church stuff” that I know so well, everyone knew. I now know that is far from the truth. However, for those of us who have been thoroughly “churched,” this type of satire is hilarious.

First, you MUST be able to laugh at yourself because they poke fun at everyone. They hit on all the weird parts of Christian culture that anyone remotely involved in a church will recognize. Really – they make fun of everyone.

• Mega Churches 
• Homeschoolers
• Baptists
• Methodists
• Democrats
• Republicans
• Mom Bloggers (Haha)

Second, you MUST understand that it is satire. The whole idea of a book that tells you “how to be a perfect Christian” should be the first clue. There is no such thing. The book, instead, points to all the ways you can “look” like the perfect Christian according to church culture and American culture.

Third, you MUST be familiar with Christian culture to truly appreciate it. They drop joke after joke about Christian culture – the music, the bumper stickers, the movies, etc. They also scored big laughs from me about certifiable sins like listening to secular music.

Fourth, you MUST recognize that they do end the book by pointing the reader to the true message of Christianity – “Instead of faking smiles and completing checklists, the Christian life [should] be about beholding the unspeakable glory of the Creator and living to please Him and make Him known in a dying world.”

If you are already a fan of Babylon Bee, you will love the book. If you are a fan of comedian John Crist who also pokes fun at all the “weird stuff” we do, then you will enjoy this book. If you take yourself and your church a little too serious, this is NOT the book for you.

Thank you, Blogging for Books, for sending me this winner!

• More Info

• Author Bio

I Remember Columbine

I remember Columbine. I was in high school then. I remember the significance of Hitler’s birthday and the images on the tv. I remember the interviews afterschool on Oprah. I remember after when bomb threats came to my school and my teacher cried as she tried to stay in control and led us to safety. I remember leaving our high school campus and heading to the nearby university auditorium.

And, I remember as more bomb threats were called in, we remained closer to the school. Bomb threats became casual trips to the football field. But, we did invest in mesh backpacks.

I remember Virginia Tech as a high school teacher. I watched the news in shock. My heart broke and my mind took in every bit of news I could find. I posted the Virginia Tech school colors on a social media pin.

I remember being a high school teacher and receiving an email about the threat of a shootout at school that day. I still remember the cop cars surrounding the building and hiding in my classroom until I got the all clear. I remember emailing my husband and family and asking for prayers.

I remember being a new mom when Sandy Hook happened and dropping to my knees. The weight of the tragedy too much for a new mother to handle. I cried for days. I remember making decisions then about how I could protect my baby in a world where other mama’s babies were taken away in kindergarten and first grade.

I remember the Orlando nightclub shooting because I have danced in predominantly gay clubs. I remember UCSB sorority rampage because I was in a sorority. I remember the Vegas country music festival shooting because I have attended outdoor concerts. I remember the shooting in the movie theater in Colorado because I go movies. I remember the church shooting in Texas because I have spent hours upon hours of my life seeking sanctuary within the walls of a small church.

I remember these tragedies because I am human.

I remember because I recognized years ago with Columbine that I am not exempt. I could have been present at any one of these horrific shootings. But, so could anyone. And, I think that is what bothers me the most. People who have not experienced the tragedy and simply move on and forget – and never seem to consider that it could just have easily been them.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it could have very well been me. Now, I have come to accept that it could just have easily been my children. And, that is not okay with me. You see, Columbine is still burned in my memory. And, that tragedy was 19 years ago. 

In the years since, I have graduated high school, college, graduate school, gotten married, and had two kids. Since then, Hitler's birthday is no longer chosen by these terrorists. It could happen any day. Since then, it is now normal for preschool students to practice intruder safety drills. It could happen anywhere. 

Yet, in that same amount of time, Columbine has dropped out of the top ten lists for American mass shootings. The numbers have risen, but the standards have not. We have a problem. And, I don’t think it is one-side or the other. We are smarter than that. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that not working towards finding an answer has not helped us.

It’s time to come together to find a solution – without saying one thing is the ultimate cause.

Do we have a mental health problem? Yes! 

Do we have a gun problem? Yes! 

Do we have a heart problem? Yes! 

We can acknowledge that we have problems in all these areas without losing our voter registration cards. My life and my children’s lives matter more to me than political parties. There’s a time to compromise – and we have far exceeded what is healthy for our country when it comes to these issues. 

Yesterday, Valentine's Day was ruined for at least 17 families senselessly. It must stop.

One political party is not to blame. One political party cannot solve a problem this big. We have to work together. 

Book Review: Surprise Me

Surprise Me by Sophie Kinsella

I enjoy a good fluff read every so often. And, some writers are just better at writing that fluff, you know? Sophie Kinsella has pretty much mastered her own niche – novels that are romantic comedies that involve plots that are slightly ridiculous, but entertaining. Her latest novel, Surprise Me, is no different.

A key difference in this novel compared to many of her previous novels is that it is focused on an already married couple. Particularly, a couple who has been together for ten years and when things begin to get a little bit commonplace.

The novel’s main character, Sylvie, becomes desperate to put surprises back into her marriage after learning that humans are living longer than ever before – meaning she will be “stuck” with her husband for a much longer amount of time than she originally imagined. To deal with the extra years ahead of them, they decided to surprise one another.

In typical Kinsella style, these surprises run the gamut – and leave the reader feeling quite proud of herself for not being as silly (or dumb) as the characters in the novel. And, Sylvie, makes some really REALLY dumb calls. The results of a boudoir photo session are hilarious, but the some of the surprises cause the couple to reevaluate what they think they know about one another.

This novel was standard Kinsella rom-com flair, but it wasn’t my favorite of hers. For me, it took a bit to get off the ground. I wasn’t thoroughly engaged until about halfway through. Also, I picked up on a major plot point very early on and spent most of the time just waiting for Kinsella to finally reveal what seems so obvious. (I’m not just a great reader – it really is that obvious.) But, it must be noted, predictability is part of Kinsella’s charm.

However, any fan of Kinsella will eat this one up, as well as anyone who needs an escape from reality and an opportunity to feel better about herself in comparison with the characters. Plus, Kinsella fans who are married or in long-term relationships will appreciate her take on this situation as compared to the stories about finding love as a single woman.

* I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

* It was released today, so go ahead and order it or put it on hold at your local library!

40 Days to a Cleaner House and a Cleaner Heart

Two years ago, I discovered the #40bagsin40days Lenten project by White House Black Shutters – at the time, we were moving, and I had no idea we would end up in our own white house with black shutters. But, the project was an eye-opening experience for me.

Just one of the spaces I plan to declutter

Why During Lent?

That’s a good question. To be fair, I can’t give you a sophisticated theological answer. I did not grow up practicing lent. It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I knew people who gave things up for lent. Since then, I have heard of people giving up all sorts of things – alcohol, dessert, social media, etc. And, I think that is a wonderful practice. Lent is a time when Christians prepare their hearts for Good Friday and Easter – it is a time to reflect on what Jesus did on the cross. Traditionally, Lent involves prayer, confession, fasting, and almsgiving (charity).

So Why Declutter?

We live in a time when we have almost-instant access to everything we want. I live in a time when my groceries and my wine is delivered, and I just wait two days for anything I order from Amazon to arrive in a nice brown box. It has become increasingly easy to never have to “do without.” And, as a Christian, I could do well to remember that my life’s purpose isn’t about acquiring more stuff – it’s about loving others.

And, I’m not one of those people who thinks “stuff” is wrong or sinful. Heck, I buy all the books because I am “supporting the art.” But, I have the luxury to do so. Like so many of my friends, the ability to have it all leads to overstuffed homes and overstuffed lives. And, when our homes and lives are messy, our hearts can start to feel a little cluttered too.

So, two years ago, I did the #40bagsin40days, and it was wonderful. I did not focus on filling whole bags. I focused on decluttering little areas at a time. Because I wanted the practice to serve as a reminder of the Lenten season, I did use the time to pray and thank God for all I have and ask forgiveness for the times I choose “stuff” over loving people. I turned on worship music for however long it took to clear the assigned space that day. I used the time to examine my heart – and my spending habits. And, I tried to give away more than I threw away.

I did not change overnight. It did not make me want to give all my stuff away and live as a missionary. But, that time did help me draw closer to God and allow God to teach me some things. And, I believe that was just because I was intentional about using the time to not simply clean house, but to also clean heart. This year, I am doing it again, and I encourage you to try it alongside me!

Some Basic Rules:

• Lent runs from Valentine’s Day (Ash Wednesday) to Easter
• The 40 Days includes a day off each week. I take Sundays off. Rest is holy, y’all.
• When clearing the clutter, ask yourself when the last time you used something was and then move it to the “giveaway” pile. Do I really need 24 cheap plastic cups? Probably not.
•  Leave the bigger projects for the days when you have more time (or help).
• Use the helpful printables White House Black Shutter created.
• Use a pencil when making your plan.
• And, give yourself some grace when you need to use the eraser.

To give you an idea, here is my plan for 2018:

1. February 14: Junk Drawer
2. February 15: Tupperware Cabinet
3. February 16: Spice Cabinet
4. February 17: Laundry Room
5. February 19: Pantry
6. February 20: Kitchen Drawers
7. February 21: Fridge
8. February 22: Living Room End Tables
9. February 23: Upper Kitchen Cabinets
10. February 24: Garage
11. February 26: Playroom
12. February 27: Bookshelves
13. February 28: Coat Closet
14. March 1: Mugs/Glasses
15. March 2: Bedroom Side Tables
16. March 3: Bedroom Closet
17. March 5: Bedroom Dresser
18. March 6: Office Area
19. March 7: Cars
20. March 8: Guest Room
21. March 9: Kid’s Bathroom
22. March 10: Master Bedroom Closet
23. March 12: Cleaning Supply Storage
24. March 13: Costume Trunk
25. March 14: Sunroom
26. March 15: China Cabinet Storage
27. March 16: Master Bath Cabinets
28.  March 17: Son’s Bedroom
29.  March 19: Linen Closet
30. March 20: Purse/Wallet
31. March 21: Medicine Cabinet
32. March 22: Makeup Bags
33. March 23: Jewelry Box
34. March 24: Daughter’s Bedroom
35. March 26: Hall Storage Closet
36. March 27: Outside
37. March 28: Craft Storage
38. March 29: Email/Phone Clean Up
39. March 30: Outdoor Food Storage/Freezer
40. March 31: Drop Off Donations

Why Moms Have a Hard Time Allowing the Main Thing to Be the Main Thing

We hear “let the main thing be the main thing” often. It reminds us to focus on what really matters. And, this is a great goal. It is a wonderful way to imagine living your life. And, for many people, it seems to work. But, those people are not moms.

My poor little mom brain is an arena of craziest sports fans at any given moment. Some of my thoughts are screaming. Some are taunting. Some are throwing things. Some are diving off of awnings and climbing streetlights. There is no focusing on the “main thing.”

Think I am exaggerating? No. My job as a mom is to love my children well and help them to grow to be independent people one day. Those two “main things” are enough to keep me up all night long if I let them.

I can easily be processing about five hundred twenty-seven different things at one time. Between grocery lists, family schedules, knowing my kid’s friends name, helping with homework, packing lunches, remembering holidays, teaching them to brush their teeth and wipe their butts, buying pants and shoes each time they outgrow them, and then trying to help them to grow up to be loving and kind…well, my brain is mush.

Add in a “thing” – you know, a “thing.” The thing that throws life off balance, and then I am pretty close to either freaking out or going catatonic. It can be anything from sickness to bullying to a kid getting in trouble at school.

So, to get back to “let the main thing be the main thing.” Let’s just say I struggle with this. For example, I’d like to believe these two concepts are my family’s main things:

• Love God. Love People.
• Be Loving and Kind.

But, here’s the rub. I seldom focus on just these two things. I go very quickly from just loving to overanalyzing and “fixing” and correcting. I jump from hoping for loving and kind children to asking my kids to always stay within the lines.

When “a thing” happens, these “main things” seem to get lost in the sea of crazy sports fans in my brain shouting at me about what this means for the future and how people will see them and how they will be treated. On top of everything else they are already shouting at me about – GROCERIES! LAUNDRY! NEW SHOES! CAKE! Then, add in how “a thing” allows those same shouting crazies in my head to turn their shouting back on me and the perception others have of me, and I am done.

But, then again, maybe it’s just me. 

Book Review: Warbringer

Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo

I am a big fan of YA and a big fan of Wonder Woman, which is why I was so excited to read Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo. But, this book was a BIG letdown for me. No matter how many times I picked it up, I could not get into it. When I finally did read it, it took me FOREVER. Not a good sign.

Warbringer is a whole new Wonder Woman tale set when Diana (Wonder Woman) is a teenager. She saves another teenaged girl, Alia, without knowing this rescue would bring serious consequences to her home and the rest of the world. This is because Alia is unknowingly a warbringer.

Now, I am not a comic book junkie, but luckily I have a husband who can fill in all the missing pieces for me when it comes to superheroes. However, this book completely disregards Wonder Woman’s origin story – rewriting a whole new story about teenage girl power instead. I was completely lost at times because it was like starting over with a character I already know and love.

Then, the setting was hard to grasp. Is it modern day? Is it in the past? It seemed like it was supposed to be taking place today in New York City and back in Diana’s world, which was a little strange. Some of the things Diana was familiar with made no sense where others did not.

Plus, I was not drawn to the characters or the plot. At all. Unfortunately, this Wonder Woman novel did not inspire any wonder for me.

Even though I wasn’t a fan, I’d like to thank Blogging for Books for providing me with this copy for an honest review.